For a long time, I was the perfect patient. I sat in the chair, I answered the questions, I nodded along, and I left without saying the things I had rehearsed on the way there. I did not want to seem difficult. I did not want to waste anyone's time. And besides - these were the experts. Surely they knew better than I did.

It took me years, and a great deal of pain, to understand that knowing your own body is also a form of expertise. That being the person who lives inside it gives you information that no doctor, however qualified, can access without you.
I am writing this for anyone who has ever left a medical appointment feeling dismissed, unheard or like they were overreacting. You were not overreacting. And if I could go back and sit beside my younger self in any of those waiting rooms, here is what I would tell her.

Write it down before you go. When you are sitting in front of a doctor, it is easy to forget half of what you wanted to say, or to downplay symptoms that you have normalised. Write your symptoms down beforehand, with as much specific detail as you can. When does the pain start? How severe is it on a scale of one to ten? What makes it better or worse? How long has it been happening? Having it written down means you do not have to rely on memory, and it signals to the doctor that you have taken this seriously.

Use precise language. There is a difference between saying 'I have bad period pain' and 'I have pain that is a nine out of ten for the first three days of my cycle, that does not respond to over-the-counter painkillers, and that regularly prevents me from working or leaving the house.' The second version is much harder to dismiss. Be as specific as you can about the impact on your daily life.

Ask questions - and expect answers. If a doctor suggests a course of action, you are allowed to ask why. What is this medication for? What are the alternatives? What happens if we do nothing? What should I expect? You are not being difficult by asking these questions. You are being an informed patient, which is exactly what you are supposed to be.

If you feel dismissed, say so. This one is hard, but it matters. 'I feel like I am not being heard' is a complete and valid sentence. So is 'I would like a referral to a specialist.' So is 'I would like a second opinion.' You have the right to these things, and asking for them is not aggression - it is self-advocacy.

Bring someone with you if you can. A friend, a partner, a family member. Someone who can help you remember what was said, who can ask questions you might forget, and who can, if needed, calmly echo your concerns when you are feeling too overwhelmed to push back.

And finally: trust yourself. Listen to your intuition. If something feels wrong, it usually is. I remember hearing phrases like ‘you need to be more patient.’ I knew it was wrong, but I didn’t feel like I could speak up. This doctor held my dreams in his hands. I was happy to nod along and smile even when everything in me was screaming that he was not hearing me or seeing me. What I wish I had done looking back now, was take a deep breath and re-state my position. Keep to the facts. Keep my voice calm and steady and say ‘this is not a matter of patience, I have been presenting with these symptoms for many years now and I need your help to get to the bottom of this.’

If you are told your symptoms are normal and they do not feel normal, keep going. Keep asking. Find a different doctor if you need to. The medical system is not infallible, and you are the only person who can speak up for your own health.

I wish I had learned this sooner. I lost years to pain I did not have to accept and diagnoses I did not have to settle for. But I also know that finding my voice - learning to walk into a room and say clearly, this is what is happening and I need help - changed everything. It can change things for you too.

If this is where you are - still searching for answers, still trying to be heard - you are not alone. Inconceivable is the story of what it took to finally find the right doctors and the right diagnosis after years of being dismissed. And if you want to stay connected, join the community for honest conversations, resources and updates.